The End of the Affair.

Yeah. I think its about time, really. But don’t worry, because this is the end, I’m giving you plenty to read. And think. And wonder. And grieve over wtf.

Note: Please don’t hesitate to click on the links. This post links all the wonderful things that has happened to me while I have been here. Play the videos, click the links, all of it contributes to this post in the end. The Sociologist did mention that it might distract from the original post but please, feel free to do so. If you’re a newcomer to my blog, welcome. I’m afraid that the first post you read is the last one. But rather than have you start from the very beginning (a very good place to start, though), you can just read a condensed version, right here.

I talked to the Sociologist over the weekend and told her that this blog is going to end. And she asked me:

Is it because of the French Lady?

I can’t say it isn’t.

So this blog ends.

I started this very blog, chronicling the day I graduated. I started typing out my very first entry at 12.20a.m. on the 6th of December, 2008. Feel free to browse if you wish.

I applied for my first job interview and I got it, with much relief. Truth to tell, I was panicking quite a bit especially because all my friends were getting jobs and I was the only one still unemployed. Me and the thought of an empty bank account scared the shits out of me.

I arrived in Wangas, went for 2 runs in my running shoes, blogged about my trip up to Wangas, and blogged about what I would do if I wasn’t afraid.

I wrote a bit of fiction, wrote a little more, and pondered what love really is. I also got all cynical about the subtitle for this blog and posted heaps of pictures as I was travelling to Palmy on a weekend basis to practise with the RedHead.  And I wrote a poetic blog post that got raving reviews and won 3rd place in a showcase performance where both of us were NOT teachers.

I went up on the wards and wrote about the loony bin that is the wards, wrote a controversial piece in response to everyone wanting to do Earth Hour, had my blog reviewed by a merciless panel of blog judges, and attended my first ballroom dance competition, and made my first mention of my wish to die at 40.

Work continued to stress me out, I had a mention in the local newspaper, celebrated my birthday, and I started the Soft series as well as found a modern female version of Julie London that is oh-so-hot. You just gotta love jazz. Honestly.

I then again appeared (but front page this time!) in the local rags, decide to go for a random run, pondered a lot of things regarding my job and about everything else in general, and then decided to turn pro euthanasia after reading the provoking “Killing Me Softly” book by Dr Death himself. My tailsuit bits arrived and I also got myself my then pride and joy of an iPhone.

Had a few predictions about what’s going to happen in my life, my iPhone crapped out, a favourite patient of mine decided to go home to be with the Lord, bought myself a bike and put it together, and continued the Soft series. I also had my first serious callback which was at 6.24a.m. in the morning, joined Facebook for real, wrote a befitting entry regarding Malaysia’s Independence Day, and decided to show myself half naked on my blog. Uh huh. I’m a rebel, that’s why.

After having joined Facebook, I started getting those random invites from people to be their friend. I attended my first competition as a registered amateur dancer and voila! won my first latin dance. Latin Lady and I were the talk of the town for a bit after that. I also got more random friend invites and I took sweet revenge on someone’s profile picture for a misdeed done to me in the past. Then I got myself in a twist when I found out that I got trapped in some sort of dance dilemma where I wasn’t sure if I could have my cake and eat it too. Explored Wangas on the bike on a fine afternoon and figured out that at some points, this town is actually really pretty. However, I didn’t like the fact that everyone knew EVERYONE in this place! And then I wrote my famous “Dear you” letters addressed to everyone and no one in particular using pictures from my awesome Samsung phone. I shot down a doctor who came up with the stupidest things ever with my random awesome theories and a nurse comes up and tells me that my fate would be changed by a woman. Unable to tell me who, but just that it was going to be a woman. And maybe had problems sleeping after that proclamation trying to figure out who the mystery lady was.

Things started slowing down a little in September, probably because I got busy at work and I had to start storing blog topics on my phone so that I could blog about it later. Then I appreciated the simple things in life, my new bling for my tailsuit and the one picture of me in my tailsuit +D

I went to the Hospital Ball and got recognised as well as talked with a couple about starting a ceroc business. Also got the routine with the Redhead done ready for the Showcase Spectacular. And then wondered about what I looked for in a partner/girlfriend/wife. Coincidentally, this was a question mentioned recently by Pharmacist M and I honestly could not give an answer. Or an answer satisfactory to myself or her. And then I got sick of dancing. Yeah, I know. Me, get sick of dancing? Oh puh-leez.

Attended the Simply Ceroc 2009, performed, danced, went on so many different workshops, went to the ball, yeah. The usual. And then I wrote what I would call one of my best stories. Rivalling even the Blurred series, if I do say so myself. Or dare I say it, Suspended in Midnight.

I wrote about the time I was so depressed in my final year of study, and then decided to write an electronic copy of a letter to my 13 year old self  in the event that if he read it, he would have more sense to take control of his life rather than just go with the flow, like I did.

Went salsa crazy for real, and blogged about the effects of alcohol on me and then on a party I attended. And I wrote a piece of wisdom on a napkin. The day before I met the French Lady.

I still like this picture. No matter what has happened.

This was the first post that she was ever mentioned. Of course, at that time, we were still friends and nothing has happened.

December’s entries weren’t really worth reading. But that was the month that the French Lady and I decided to give it a go. And give the phrase “Would you like a cup of tea?” a whole new different meaning so that whenever I hear someone say it, I smile quietly to myself.

But this. Oh this post makes me smile.

Looking back at how often I posted at the beginning of the year, my entries grew less and less. I guess I was preoccupied with the relationship and hence, my decision to blog less. Well, less rubbish from me, right? That’s always a good thing.

It was only in March that suddenly, I started blogging again. And my entries weren’t just the usual eat-shit-sleep entries. They were full of pictures, descriptions, thoughts and conversations that the French Lady and I had.

Then it happened.

I wrote entry after entry, trying to detail what was going on as apparently, some website told me that writing out my feelings would be good for me.

I got a few rather fervent replies in terms of comments towards my reactions post break up. Instead of getting angry, I took all these comments in and dissected them and for everyone who commented, there was truth and there was the ugly blunt end of the stick that I didn’t want to voluntarily look at. Stupid me.

From kevral_79 to Monica, they all had something valid to say. And I can’t doubt the wisdom behind their words.

Heard this song on the radio and it made me think of what’s happened. Its a nice song too, though.

Went to friend’s house the other night and all they had to play on the stereo was Michael Learns to Rock. And it was awesome. And this song caught my eye.

It’s a pretty darn catchy song. It plays on my phone like 24/7 now. +D

I appreciate: Shaving my head.

The feeling of a buzz cut. Honestly. The feeling of the clippers vibrating softly in the palm of my hand as I run the sharp blades over my head, removing hair. I’m standing at the white sink at the back of the house, my mirror propped up on the windowsill. I plug the clippers into the mains and turn it on. Then I start on my head.

I do this for an hour. The resultant mess is a me that I don’t recognise.

Its a me that seems tougher on the outside than the one on the inside. But I’m getting used to the profile now and I like it. I think I’ll keep it for a bit.

Hm.

I talked to the Dreadlocked Princess and she asked me about you.

Yes, you.

I said that we broke up. And she kind of looked at me and said, “To be honest, I expected that you two wouldn’t last.”

You two were too incompatible. You two could not last because you two were too different. There was nothing that held you together. Why did you even bother trying?

Well. Thanks.

She also said something along the lines of that I wasn’t happy with myself and hence, I bothered to get into this relationship.

I personally don’t think that’s true to say that. I was quite happy with myself. You completed the rest of the puzzle.

I believed we were happy, you and I.

You know, after writing all of this, reviewing this blog day by day, week by week, month by month. Dang, year by year. I end up at this point in time where this blog deserves to die.

I’m closing this chapter of my life. I’m closing it right here, right now and this is probably the end of it. I’ve had my good times and I’ve had my bad times. There’s plenty of moments in between when I’ve been writing this entry and man, I just look back and smile, aye.

My excitement of getting my tails. My love of salsa now, when I talk about it, its second nature to me. Its something I do on a daily basis, if not more often. My dancing and my writing, two things that have always been important to me. And oh yeah, my job. Its still okay. It does what it should do – pay my addictions. +D

Read this while browsing through the internet and hm. I guess there’s a bit of truth to this after all.

I must confess that I feel a bit sad that this will be the last post. I’ve blogged a lot on different computers, from different websites, from different mediums. And all these posts, these pictures, all have a little bit of my life attached to them. In a weird kind of way, because I’ve never been able to maintain a paper journal, this was the way I wrote. This was the way I chronicled my life and put it down in words and pictures, hoping to remember one day in future that I could look back at my past and sigh at the amazing things that have happened.

I want to thank my readers who have dropped by on this blog without fail ever since Day 1. Some people, I’ve told personally to come to this link. Some people, I’ve sent them an email. Some, apparently, stumble over it and end up becoming quite loyal readers. And some are referred by the people I’ve told personally.

Truth be told, I was always afraid that this blog would become public to the people I would hate to have read this blog. Namely, the Higher Authorities. I don’t think I’ll ever blog and allow them to read it, though. I don’t think I’ve become that insane yet.

I’m not one of those really good bloggers that you stumble upon and want to end up reading every single entry. Sure, I’ve met some people like that. But I’m not one of them. I’m just your average joe blogging about life, love, dance, and everything else in between.

But thank you, readers. Thank you because you’re probably the reason why I blog so much. I read other interesting blogs and this gets me going, knowing that I blog to an audience that usually remains silent, pondering my words on the other end of the internet, looking at my rants and my theories on an LED screen and not choosing to say anything but perhaps, you’ve gained a little something from this. You might have been entertained and as an entertainer, I’m proud to have had your attention. I’m honoured. Truly. If you’ve learnt a little something about life or love or dance or you have been inspired by this, by all means, go and make that inspiration come true. Whether its to blog or to dance or to even become a physiotherapist (I actually hope not!) I have been honoured as a silent writer to have been able to encourage your dreams to become a reality.

I thank you. And I am proud to call you friends. People whom I only know by IP addresses from all over the country, from as far as Greece and France to as close to here as Wellington and Auckland and Dunedin to as close to my original home as Kuala Lumpur. Some of you, I have never met. Some of you, are true and dear to my heart, every single one of you whom I have talked with, laughed with, shared a coffee or a meal with, shared late nights together just enjoying each other’s company. You have provided me with the actual reason to life itself.

Been reading a a graphic novel series simply entitled “Flight.”

These books feature different stories all relating to the idea of Flight. Whether its literally flying itself or the idea of escapism (which I seem to be fascinated about, no matter what age I am), it covers it all. Written by comic artists who otherwise will never see the light of publication, I’ve been fascinated late into the night with stories of love and lost and flight and wings and fables that tell more than a story.

Funnily enough, I can’t actually say that I’ll stop blogging. You might be glad to hear that.

I’ve always enjoyed myself whenever I come onto Microsoft Live Writer. This box demands nothing less of me and as of late, I’ve been more than happy to contribute. Pictures, videos, songs, whatever. My life is laid out on the line and here I am, lying sated and satisfied at my achievements.

So who knows. One day, if you stop by, you might see a little link saying hello and whisking you off into another wonderland of the [D@nc3R*]’s mind.

And so, it ends.

To all the pictures I’ve taken in the past, to all the friends that I’ve entertained and inspired and given a reason to come online in the mornings or the afternoons or nights before work or study or WHATEVER, farewell.

Fuckin’ hell, I’ve had a good time.

Love,

Paul/Poet/[D@nc3R*]

[D@nc3R*] – Chapter Life Prologue

R.I.P.

6/12/08 – 26/4/10.

May this flippin’ blog never come back to bite me in the arse. LOL!