When a friend ain't that cool.

The title speaks one thing. This post is meant to mean something completely differently related. Or maybe not.

I've been friends with you for a while. In fact, more than a while. A long while then.

And we've both shared our ups and downs and all arounds and we had our little secret crushes that we'd tell each other about and our gripes and moans and groans. And stuff.

We worked well.

But then...I don't know. I changed. I'm sorry. I know, perhaps, you want that same ole Poet that was kind and understanding and all that jazz when he was 17 and still naive and still a lovesick fool.

But sorry, you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I took some tough hits to the emotional gut and I've grown up a little bit. I'm still gripe-ing and still complaining about things but in a different way now. I'm not sure how. I'm sorry that you've stated that I can take this friendship anyway I want it. It is my fault. My procrastinating self delays things too often and leaves things behind and I never try and make contact more often and I know you want me to come back but I can't.

I'm grown up now.

I've got bills to pay and dances to dance and patients to see and a life to consider. I've been so busy, I've pushed you aside. And shame on me. I have told myself I would never do that to a friend.

I hope you still consider our friendship possible. I'm coming home. Does that count?

I'm sorry, I can't be perfect.

Watching V for Vendetta, more and more truths seem to emerge and become even more of a reality.

I only told them the truth, was that so selfish? Our integrity sells for so little...

How many times has the truth been regarded as selfishness? How often has our good been interpreted as bad? How frequently has one good turn been given a good hard slap across the face instead?

More than you know, my dear. More than you know.

***

Honestly, life is sometimes so much of a struggle I don't even know where to begin. I'm not sure what's right or wrong or good or bad and all I want to do is huddle under the covers where its warm and I know you are there.

Watch this space. A disappearance might happen sooner than you think.