Into the Light.

"Carol Anne - listen to me. Do NOT go into the light. Stop where you are. Turn away from it. Don't even look at it."

- Diane, The Poltergeist.

I was just commenting to the French Lady that sometimes, you meet people that can make you feel incompetent in a span of half an hour. In half an hour, they can make you question everything you have ever learnt and everything you have ever done because, oh dear lord, you weren't as good as student as she was. You weren't as brilliant as she was. You weren't good. No, you ain't good enough.

Sigh.

But apart from that and moving on to perhaps happier thoughts and things, the French Lady and I have decided to meet up on a weekly basis for lunch. We hang out for about 15 minutes, not particularly a long time and we just talk about the little stuff. Nothing deep and mind boggling, mind you, especially not after I've had to deal with a morning of crap from work, I'm not ready to have a deep and meaningful just yet. We do have the odd deep and meaningful which is interesting to a certain extent. But anyway.

So we meet up in the middle of the day at the nearby fast food restaurant and I'll order first since she's usually dropping off Surfer Boy at creche and I'm closest by about 3 minutes walk. 

Midday is blistering hot and we would end up sitting as close to the air conditioning as possible (well, me, anyway, since I get pretty warm walking in the midday sun) and drink and eat and just hang out together, which is something we don't get to do very often throughout the week unless we go to salsa class or she's scheduled to be free during the week. 

And this is where THIS came in. She wanted a hot chocolate, I ordered and she noticed.

Warning: Yes, I'm hot. 

I told the French Lady that she could wear it like bling on a gold chain 'cos you know, she's so hot, yo. She just giggled and kissed me instead.

Sometimes, I think my break during the week is wayy too short. I should probably for 1 hour lunches just because I don't think I get enough time out on my own. Or away from work, anyway.

Looking up into the evening sky in Palmy after dinner several days ago, the French Lady asked for this photo to be taken. Apparently, she wanted to have picture evidence of what resembles testicles hanging from a tree. I must admit, though, the silhouette part of the whole thing is pretty cool. 

Tonight is also probably the first night that I've actually willingly taken work home to do. I need to write F-S-I plans. So dear Singaporean Rambo, if you really like FSI plans, rehab is the way to go. You go right back to 2nd year when we analyse gait and sit-to-stands and sitting balance and standing balance and do outcome measures all over again. For fsck's sake, I feel like I'm doing a clinical placement all over again! Flip. Or maybe its just in this hospital in this rehab ward.

***

At times, I count the days.

At times, I don't want to count them. 

At times, it feels as though it will take forever to happen. 

At times, I'm back to where I started. And sometimes, I'm not sure if that is a bad thing or not. 

You know how human beings used to be so afraid of the unknown? People used to think that the world was flat and that if you sailed into the horizon, you would drop off the edges of the earth and disappear. Yeah, sometimes, I feel like I'm on the edge. I'm a tightrope walker, hung high beyond the earth. I walk this line that suspends me, that holds me, that keeps me afloat. Or whatever.

It seems so much easier to just drop the balancing act, close my eyes and fall....fall...fall.

Amen. Night night people.