NAAAAA-TING 2

So what did I do on my day lazing?

Read the title as of above.

Oh yeah, I watched several movies, of which I returned shortly after and I got dinner.

And then I watched this.

Oh yeah, pure geek heaven. This is revolutionary stuff, I tell you.

And because I’ve been watching too many dance movies as of late, let me outline to you what most dance movies are. Excluding “Shall we dance?” where it focused more specifically on a non-dancing man learning how to dance, most dance movies consist of….

1) Lead character – a dancer (dance movie, duh) experiences some distressing event of sorts that put him/her in a situation.

2) Said lead character gets a lucky break – gets into a dance school, learns a new form of dance (usually hip hop/a more expressive style of dancing compared to something formal like ballroom/ballet)

3) Said lead character meets…TADAH! A potential hot smoking rival/love interest. This can be inserted into number 2, really.

4) Plot development, lead character + love interest development, some subtle love/sex scene involved as this is not a porn film. We can only show faces gasping in ecstasy, some undressing but nothing actually worth watching to warrant a stiffie.

5) A dance performance of sorts IS going to happen. Everyone practises like hell for it. Cue in scenes in front of mirror or on the wooden dancefloor, spinning, practising moves and include cheesy/hip hop music as required.

6) Something drastic happens. Love interest cheats/a twist in the plot/lead character gets kicked out of dance school/the dance doesn’t go well/a tragedy occurs to either lead character or love interest.

7) Another lucky break. Maybe love interest wasn’t cheating after all/lead character gets invited back to dance school/friends make up and decide to all jump into the dance crew.

8) The performance rocks the joint. Everyone celebrates, happy ending. Usually, there is a single performance by said lead character, love interest looking from the sidelines with googly-eyes or jumping in and dancing with him/her, you know, sexing it up.

9) Credits.

As much as I like watching all these dance movies, they are so incredibly predictable its Yawnsville. And all dancers know that this kinda thing does not happen.

All REAL dancers, anyway.

For example, if I was to do a movie on my life and my life as a dancer, it would bore the crappers out of everyone who watches it.

Paul earns money through part time work/full time work. Paul goes to dance class. Paul dances with said dance partner. Paul dances with said dance partner week after week after week. Paul goes for a few competitions. Paul has a performance. Paul practices with dance partner week after week after week. Paul goes for performance. Paul does performance. Paul gets congratulated for performance. Paul goes home.

Uh. Yeah. That’s it.

Exciting, no?

What I’m probably lacking is the two lucky breaks that the lead character seems to get. And I won’t need the tragedy in the middle either. Let’s get that out of the way.

But watching Save the Last Dance 2, guys, this is the sure fire way to get some booty. Show that you’re sensitive and touching and that gets the hormones raging. Here’s proof.

Miles Sultana (played by Columbus Short) puts on a tape recording that he’s taken of the ice melting after weeks of freezing temperatures that he lets Sara Johnson (Izabella Miko) listen to. She listens to it and unsure of what she’s listening to, she asks him.

Miles: New York City, East River, February 27, 1989. After 5 weeks below freezing, the ice finally breaking.

Izabella Miko then proceeds to jump his bones. And in that movie, she’s got a face to die for. I’m a face man. Then I work my way down. +D

Sue me.