Heartbreak

Good morning, Mrs P. How are you?

"Oh, I'm all right. They've just taken out the drains so I guess I can start moving now. These here are my kids."

Oh, hello. So shall we start moving?

"Okay, mum, I'll be back this afternoon."

"Don't worry about it, you've gotta take care of your father."

A brush of the curtains and it was just Mrs P and I.

The husband's not doing too well, is he?

"No. He isn't."

And her face crumples up like a piece of old newspaper.

"He's got cancer."

And she breaks down in tears.

"He just got the news last week. He was told he had a tumour in his bladder and lung and next thing you know, he's just gone downhill ever since. Kids reckon he's talking to himself now."

I'm sorry.

"No, no, nothing to be sorry about. He's not allowed on his medication because he's going to have a biopsy tomorrow."

Oh, I see. Would you like to speak to the social worker? She's really nice and she can probably be able to offer you and your husband some assistance...

"Yeah, maybe. But he's slowly dying. And I'm not sure what anyone can do about that."

***

Sometimes, I hate my job.

You know, with working in the healthcare sector, people think that you are able to do anything and everything. Even bring people back from the dead, occasionally. But sadly, we don't. And when you're standing at a patient's bedside, patting their shoulder or putting an arm around them to tell them that its okay and that something can be done about it, you kick yourself in the specials for telling lies.

Because its not all right. The poor man's gone delirious. He's turned yellow and he's dying as the hours fly by. What is okay with that? Apologies don't do nuts. It's not going to save him.

Darn.

She's a really nice lady and sometimes, its just unfair the things that happen to good people. Whereas all the bad people seem to get off the hook.

***

Was feeling a bit quiet yesterday and last night. Probably stress, I would say. I'd blame it on stress and take it easy. But sometimes, I'm even wondering what is truly the matter.

Tummy ain't really feeling comfortable since yesterday and I'm not too sure why. By right, I shouldn't even be here right now. But then again, it might be stress. Was talking to the Receptionist and she thinks its stress that I'm dealing with plus, this is my 10th day of working in a row, after all.

But interestingly enough, the quiet is just something I need at the moment. Even salsa yesterday, learning some really cool moves and whatnot, after the three hours that I was on the floor, I left the congas and the cowbells and the usual noisiness of it all to head back to silence and a quiet that seemed to just settle into me.

Did get a bit grumpy at a poor girl yesterday and for that, I apologise. Me soweeeeeeee *pouts*

You know what I want?

I want to be able to just shut out the world right now. Leave. Travel. Blog interesting blog posts from different spots and different times and places and live vicariously like I had planned to do when I was finally out of university.

But instead, I'm stuck working a 8 to 4.30 and then sitting down and playing computer games until my eyes rot.

Truth to tell, I kind of regret quitting ballroom now. I know, I know, I'm not going to be dancing exams end of the year and neither do I need to spend that kind of money especially since the parents are coming over soon and they're probably looking at me saving up and stuff.

But its cut down my dance time from 5 days a week to a pathetic 2 a week and I'm dying to get a bit more practice in but honestly, I don't know how I can do that. Ugh.

Nannyway.

Lunch.