What I do when I am bored on a long weekend and I have no internet and I play computer games all day until my brain rots out of my ears.

I blog on Notepad. Obviously. +D

 

7/2/09

Being deprived of the internet for a period of time makes me blog a lot more than I want to. Or in reality, blog a lot less since I can't get all my posts up when I want them to go up.

Its going to be more of a collection of random things I've thought of lately. Nothing solid, no creative stories or what's been going on with my day stuff. It's just stuff. General, random stuff.

***

I can feel her on my skin
I can taste her on my tongue
She's the sweetest taste of sin
The more I get, the more I want - Neyo

This meant something to me today. Apart from being a song that I unconsciously bop my head to at the gym when they're playing heavy metal and I'm in the corner listening to light r'n'b style, it says something. Can't figure out why yet.

***

Had a chat to the Sociologist yesterday and I brought up the idea that with me trying to be deep, there's a certain pretense to it. I'm not deep. Nah, not at all deep. But neither am I that shallow. I think I see-saw between the two and I'm all right with that. Life's too short to be pondering the mysteries of the universe when I'm more keen on resting under a tree with a glass of cold sweet tea. Now, to completely overanalyze everything, there's a certain philosophical aspect to it. Letting life flow past you, enjoying everything that comes along. This is completely out of my league. But lets move on.

***

"I wanna grow old with you" - Westlife is playing on iTunes at the moment. Several friends and I had a little debate. And obviously, the several friends I have live on the other end of the romantic spectrum. The chorus starts off with,

"I wanna grow old with you
I wanna die lying in your arms
I wanna grow old with you
I wanna be looking in your eyes"

And said friend goes, "That's horrible. Its like you have to die holding a person." And for the romantics reading this, lets sigh together and go, "You just don't understand." And to put a romantic perspective on it, if its someone you love, you would want to spend the last moment of their lives with them. Sad, yes, horrible, maybe? But I personally would regret if I wasn't there holding my loved ones as they passed on.

***

Brutal, total honesty is something not everyone can deal with, I think. I personally don't think I can deal with it too often although I would prefer to have it given to me straight rather than having someone fluff around and beat around the bush. I'll have it straight up, no frills.

There's a price to pay for total honesty. Things you do not really want to hear, things that you try to hide from, things you just leave out of the picture because it makes life easier, more tolerable, lighter.

But to tell the truth? The whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God?

Some things warrant the truth. And some things don't. In my humble opinion, anyway.

There are things that I do not mention for the sake of it. I hint, perhaps, if I need to but some things deserve to remain buried.

***

A dance of love. Something I've not really seen.

Hm. I think they call the rumba the dance of passion or whatever they call it. Yeah, that's fine. But to actually dance a dance with love...that has yet to be seen by me.

I've attended several dances and a number of performances where they do wonderful acrobatic things and its the whole "wow" factor now rather than technique and grace and elegance. Not to say that the "wow" factor is inferior to technique and I must say that I personally enjoy a lot of "wow" in my dancing as well.

But to dance, close, intimate, not in sexy or erot|c terms but just plain simple love.

Yeah. I think love is that simple.

Funny how you watch tv and whenever there's a dance scene and slow music plays, everyone rocks back and forth on one foot to another that's dancing. Now, I'm fine with that and I've done that as well but there can always be a little more oomph to it.

How do you add love to a dance? Its like finding the 13th fragrant note in a perfume.

Its like homemade cooking. How mum and dad adds a little love to it and it always tastes a little better than whatever I can come up with.

Its like a hug or a kiss from someone special. Yeah, hugs and kisses are a dime a dozen but some are worth a whole lot more.

So how do you add love to a dance? How do you make a dance so that when people look at you dancing, they can tell that you are so in love?  How do you make people feel love just by watching a dance take place?

Hm. Something to look for then.

***

Was going through the drafts folder in my phone and came across some interesting phrases that I had written down a while ago. Do not really remember what they were or the inspiration from them but hey, its all good.

"Don't you play the tortured artist with me, or you can pack up your bags and leave."

Sometimes, I think this describes me very well. In an effort to amplify my own self pity, I think I get on other people's nerves more often than not.

"Shush, girl, and shut your lips
Do the Helen Keller and talk with your hips"

Random song I heard on the radio. Catchy beats though. No offence to Helen Keller.

"Turn your face towards the sun and the shadows will fall behind you." - Maori Proverb

All bad things go away. If only I would be smart enough to stop focusing so hard on them.

***

A final thought tonight before I go to bed.

Define love.

That when you say the words, "I love you", what does it actually mean? To you, personally. When you say "I love you" to someone, what do you mean by it? Define love. In as many words as you like. For example, does it mean "I care for you, I cherish you, I want to be with you?" Does it mean "I want to spend the rest of my life with you?" Does it mean, "You're breathtaking and I want you to be mine?"

What does love mean to you? And what does "I love you" mean to you? Of course, its not likely that you throw it around often either. And there are several who have let slip and then end up regretting it. Its potent stuff, saying "I love you." A poison if used wrongly, the keys to Paradise and eternal happiness if the right moment is chosen.

So define it. I'd like to know.