Outsider.

I looked at your photos.

I looked at all the familiar faces.

With each one (the old ones, anyway), I can remember little bits and pieces of memories. What happened in the past. What I did, what I said, where I was, what I was wearing.

And honestly…looking back at this now?

I’ve moved on.

I’m no longer a part of that gang.

Sure, we’re all (mostly) Malaysians and we used to hang out heaps. But that’s it. Nothing else.

The entire huge group is something not related to me now.

I take a little pride in the fact that I’ve grown up.

I take a little pride in the fact that sometimes, I have proven myself to be self-sufficient, not requiring any assistance or aid from anyone. I can pack my bags and come and go as I wish. I do not necessarily need table conversation when I sit down to have a meal because I bring a book or I entertain myself on my phone.

I also take pride in the fact that as part of growing up, I have learnt to interact differently with other people. I can go out and start a conversation with someone rather than keep to myself and be inside my own little privacy bubble.

I also love the fact that my friendships have matured. They have become better and stronger and sometimes, branched off in a completely different direction from what it started out in. That is brilliant. I get to see different facets of people and understand why they do what they do.

I like the idea that I’m out here and they are down there and I’m fighting on a daily basis to live life the way I want it. Independent, self-reliant, self-sufficient. I am all I need. In terms of physical and mental needs, for that matter.

I take pride in my dancing. I believe that I would have been so much better, so much more awesome if I had started from young but the odds stood against me.

But now, I am able to fund my own way through. I am able to say that I have competitions under my belt with several wins and even a trophy to boot! That’s a start.

I can say that I’m going for the National Ballroom and Latin Championships next July and then I’ve got Salsa Nationals to look forward to next October. And maybe, just maybe, if I find the time, I’ll do a few more showcases as well. We’ll see.

Yeah. Cool, isn’t it?

And for some reason, sometimes, it feels as though life is just one big bragging contest. I’ve got this. I’ve got that. I’m big. I’m famous. I’m everything you’re not.

Is there a reason?