Define the Line

*truly a diarrhea of words. Worse than my olive oil + lemon juice tryouts. Nothing is really going to make sense as throughout this entire holiday, I've been thinking wayy too much and I need to live a little more. But the brain has gone on hyperdrive and I've been doing way too much thinking for my own good. So thus, a detox. Mental, of course.

So what truly separates a best-friend-ship and a relationship? Where is the line drawn? And if it is drawn, is it a thick line or a thin one? Does the occasional knowing flirting happen but is still kept way behind the line, out of respect, out of fear, out of ignorance, out of desire?

Funny, really. You know, I've always wanted a good girl that I can turn naughty. 

Yes, you read right. And you saw right. Perhaps, I'm going to shock you in more ways than one. Fair enough.

How much of a girl do I lead on? Or how much of a girl do I need to avoid to get rid of that feeling? I don't want to be confused anymore. I wish that things were more certain, especially on my part. I wish that the holidays were over.

I like Queenstown. I actually would say that I love Queenstown. Its an awesome place to be in. Even possibly to live in. Little topaz gems sparkle outside my window as streetlights are turned on and the occasional blue and white from construction sites and cars and bedroom windows.

I wish I could start working. I want stability. Certainty. I want a sense of direction. Often, I take a bit of comfort in the knowledge that I have a job now but after that, there is nothing that actually guarantees some form of security for me. And with this whole holiday, everything is fscked up.

I'm having fun. Yes, I am having fun.

I am having fun.

I am having fun.
I am having fun.
I am having fun.