Subtitle

I think the little subtitle thing says it all on my blog. 

"Life starts when you want it to."

I sometimes wonder whether I'm holding back on life. Whether I choose not to live life not because I don't want to but more to because I'm afraid. I'm freaked at the possibilities so I would rather stay in the status quo. 

One of the questions I always ask people I've just met is the question of whether you would run away and start life afresh as a totally new person with an entirely new life separate from the one you had before. A lot of people answer in the negative, choosing to stay in the life they have now. Some quote the fact that they have nothing to leave their current life for while others mention their loved ones and their families and friends as the reason to stay. And others....well, their reason for staying is because they want to be in their comfort zone. They want to be comfortable. 

Am I wanting to be comfortable?

I must admit, this year, 2008, is one of the most uncomfortable years perhaps, in my entire life. I have lived a sheltered life, I must confess, being coddled and pampered and having all the shit in my usually taken care of and now, I'm at the brink of adulthood. [yes, i consider myself not grown up yet and have only just begun to find out what the hell being grown up is all about] This year is all about new and uncomfortable experiences. I can state the highlights and the lowlights but perhaps, in another post. Maybe closer to the end of the year, perhaps.

Today, its 7.11a.m. I woke up early for some reason. I'm not quite sleeping well anymore. I don't know why. I won't say its nerves. If I could get back to sleep, I would but I'm getting tired of sleeping on the couch. Give me a bed and I'll forgo walking across the bloody stage.

TaekwondoKid just walked out of his room and asked me if I was nervous. 

Heck, no.

Honestly, I think I've been waiting and wanting this for so long that I have become completely immune to the idea that I'm graduating. I actually think my entire family is more psyched up about me graduating rather than me being all giggly and nervous. Or maybe on a subconscious level, I actually am nervous. Sigh. 

But ever since I left good ole Levin for home and the now upcoming graduation, I was tired of it all. After the special exam that I sat on the 25th of October that actually enabled me to pass and graduate (just!!), I came home not really expecting anything else to happen. Now, please don't take this as a sign of arrogance, that I expected myself to pass. In all honesty, for some reason, I wanted to fail. I wanted to have to suffer for it all. Don't know why. Perhaps I'm just sadistic that way.

When you start pursuing a degree in university or college or at least a qualification outside of high school, you look forward to the day that you're done with it. The day that you can hold up your piece of toilet paper high in the sky and say that you're [insert noble and self-important title here]. You look forward to it, you want it to happen, everything that you've done for the last [insert number of years of uni/college needed to obtain toilet paper] years revolves around it. It becomes the utmost important thing in your life. 

Fair enough.

But what happens when you finally reach apathy? Or shall I say hit rock bottom and decide to become apathetic?

I mean, seriously.

I don't care anymore.

I honestly, honestly don't care.

Well.

Another thing to do on my bucket list.

Graduate? Check.

Yep. That's it, folks. The world's worst physiotherapist has just been unleashed. Mwahaha.